Emily awakened just as the rooster began crowing. She had already been lying beneath the thin blanket for several minutes, listening as the unfamiliar sounds outside slowly announced the beginning of another day. Birds she couldn’t identify called from the trees, somewhere in the distance a dog barked, and then a vehicle started, sputtered several times before finally settling into a low rumble.
Eswatini was waking.
Beside her, Rachel remained completely still, apparently determined to sleep through all of it.
Emily wished she could do the same.
The events of the night before continued to replay in her mind, especially the baby they had tried so hard to save. She kept going back through everything they had done, searching for something they might have missed or something she could have done differently, even though the doctor in her knew there were times when doing everything right still wasn’t enough.
Did we try hard enough?
Of course they had.
She knew that.
Knowing it didn’t make the question disappear.
Guilt was sometimes an unfortunate byproduct of being a doctor. You learned to live with the knowledge that you couldn’t save everyone, but every once in a while there was a patient who followed you home anyway.
Emily pushed the thought aside. She would probably think about that baby for a long time, but guilt wasn’t a luxury she had time for this morning. There were patients already making their way to the clinic, and another long day was waiting for them.
